Category: Uncategorized

Return to the desired behavior without judgment

Perfectly expressed:

Getting organized (or establishing new habits) is like following your breath when learning to meditate. We are taught that, when you notice your mind wandering off and straying from the intention of following the breath, you simply notice having done so, without judgment, and return to following your breath. What if we could apply the same technique to habits, following routines and using strategies? What if the habit was not the new desired behavior, but the habit was returning to the desired behavior without judgment? If you solidify the habit of return, you will worry less about leaving the path. You will always have a way back.

– A listener’s letter to an ADHD-themed podcast. Link.

When all your good habits go to shit

If you’re like me, you have days and sometimes weeks where you’ve lost focus and achieved little, and you don’t even have fun memories to show for it, because you were just eating crap, watching crap, reading crap and talking crap.

What do you do when you catch yourself?

Forgive yourself

I screw up. I procrastinate. I waste time and fail to put energy into the things that matter to me. This is because I’m human, I developed these patterns from a young age, and I haven’t fully eliminated them.

Now, I could beat myself up over it, but the psychology of self-recrimination is unhealthy, provoking comfort-seeking behaviour. I.e.

 Conscious mind (the executive): "That's bad! You need to stop being so lazy. Do the thing you hate instead!"
 Inner monkey (emotional and impulsive centre): Feels awful and retreats immediately to cookies, Netflix and Facebook.

Get back on the horse

What works better is noticing where I am and where I want to be, and getting back on the horse, so to speak. It helps to be philosophical – what’s done is done. Things are what they are. But the next moment is a moment of possibility. And I’ll have much more faith in that possibility if I have a strategy.

Use a smart strategy

A smart strategy makes an enormous difference. “Stop being lazy” is not a smart strategy, and neither is “This time I mean it”. If that’s all you’ve known, that’s fine, but now it’s time for something different. Change your environment, change your mindset, and change your toolset, and you’ll have a strategy that’s likely to change your outcome.

If all you’ve got is “Persist, seek advice and try new approaches”, that’s a smart strategy.

It would be remiss of me not to suggest getting a coach – this is a great strategy if you’re serious about breaking your old patterns and creating something new. If you have one or more supportive people around you who can take that role, then swallow your pride and allow them to do that for you. If not, or if you’d rather work with a professional, look for a good coach and start with a free consultation.

Lower the bar and get jumping

When I find myself resisting work on a goal, it’s useful to remove obstacles and lower the bar to actually starting.

One of mybarriers to blogging, for example, is the feeling that a post isn’t ready. So for several weeks I’ve been writing for myself, using a journal app on my phone. This has been easier because it’s not public and it doesn’t have to be perfect at all.

At the same time, it’s motivating me to start writing publicly, because I have so much that I want to share, these journal posts are close to what I want to share, And I know will be a value to someone.

So now that I have higher confidence and higher motivation, I reassess: I’m happy to share these writings, but still uneasy about associating them with my “brand”. So away around this is to create this separate blog for journaling and experiments. I promise that it will be imperfect, and that gives me space to create.